Fertility rituals and Tantra workshops at Smurf House

Fertility rituals and Tantra workshops at Smurf House

Now we (adventurously) bridge the gap from pagan fertility rituals and witch burnings to (non-) copulating smurfs to nipple glue – stunnning!

pagan fertility rituals

We at LONESOME DRAGON are neither esoteric nor shamanic (we would like to be somehow…) and with both feet firmly on the ground and in life. At least we think so…

Still. At the risk of sounding kitschy and transfigured, we believe that sexuality can be something very divine and also very spiritual.

It is not for nothing that Tantra – even if it is often misused only as a money-making gimmick – enjoys increasing popularity in modern man’s quest for meaning; feeling well that there is “more” somewhere.

We like to imagine in a sweet romantic glorification how people used to express their love for nature and life through dancing at important events such as the summer or winter solstice (yes, today’s Christmas), and how physical ecstasy and the living out of lust were a natural part of celebrating and respecting nature.

A dream with physical union as a ritual and homage to the reverence for nature, love and perhaps also gratitude for the divine spark given to us.

Sex in ancient times was nothing offensive

Make Love not War

All the more the knowledge gives us peace and confidence that the dark times are over and that in the last 50 years the relationship of modern man to sexuality has changed again. We are (hopefully) on the way to a more open approach to the most natural and beautiful things in the world.

This is not only pleasing in terms of quality of life and because otherwise we might simply miss something beautiful, no, the change goes much deeper than we may be aware of.

The libido is not only the biggest driving force for our actions, there also seems to be an obvious connection between suppressed sexuality, dissatisfaction and violence up to the most terrible terror, which cannot be dismissed.

Playmobil and Smurfs

However, our supposed happiness and relief at the current liberalisation is surprisingly clouded again when we realise how deeply rooted the taboo still seems to be in our society.

More than that, on closer reflection it really disturbs and frightens us how shifted our dealings with certain topics are. While the natural, spiritual, and loving that is attached to sexuality is even hidden from children in order not to “traumatize” them, a majority of people seem to find it completely natural that violence is not only omnipresent, but even an accepted and unfiltered part of life from an early age.

Of course we also had toy guns as children, had played innocently “Cowboys and Indians” and “killed” ourselves with relish, we had found that completely natural at that time (yes, even with the generous smiling blessing of our parents), while we were aware that playing doctor on the other hand was definitely something “evil” and so the whole topic had to be faded out at all.

How can it be – you just want to cry out desperately – that it’s possible that children can play killing and murdering each other with heavily armed Playmobil figures (that’s always so funny and cute if the little ones do that, right?), while the emergency appointment with the child psychologist and a visit from the KESB (Swiss governmental authority for the protection of children and families) would be certain, if the children would play “Love” with naked Playmobil figures or would even organise a nude smurf tantra workshop in the Schlumpfhaus (*shock*).

innocent love life of the Smurfs

Devilish sexuality and natural violence

Actually unbelievable: the news of bombs of shredded people in the family-friendly morning TV news is nothing special, all this seems to be harmless for the welfare of our children, while – just imagine this madness! – a nipple (*crossed*) on breakfast television would disrupt the family and have a lasting effect on the psyche of our child.

Wonderfully summed up in the Guardian here by user VSLVSL – at a time when people beheaded by the IS were quite popular and videos of beheadings in the (social) media) were in the trend:

blog comment from Guardian

Source: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2015/jul/07/instagram-facebook-female-nipple-ban-use-male-nipples-instead

Make the world a safe place

Mind you: the devil lives only in FEMALE nipples (which surprisingly is no problem in the whole gender discussion). The much more harmless male nipples, on the other hand, although identical in construction, do not seem to have any traumatizing effects on children (however, we are not aware of any scientific studies and therefore do not guarantee this statement). However, we now ignore the fact that such nipples were put into the children’s mouths at hourly intervals shortly before the sudden demonization will start. Seriously, guys, doesn’t all this give anybody food for thought?

Funny in this context, by the way, a Trouvaille on Instagram, where it is well known that a female nipple that appears illegally immediately triggers DEFCON 1: https://www.instagram.com/genderless_nipples/

But well, how do we protect ourselves and our children from the nipple-faced and ubiquitous evil in the world, which lurks mean-spirited behind almost every corner and under many a blouse (as we strongly suspect)?

Finally there is a clever and family-friendly solution! Resourceful suppliers now provide desperate bloggers, instagrammers and youtubers etc. with deceptively real looking stickers of MALE nipples! This is the end of the creeping brutalization of our society and the Internet!

With it the strict prohibition of female nipples on the usual Social Media platforms – one sticks one these stickers simply on the female nipple – is enough done and the danger for the healthy development and the future of our children is finally banished. Yeah!

male nipple stickers

Well, the Americans… or the evil is always and everywhere

With a smile, one might say that we in Europe were able to successfully escape this Anglo-Saxon, puritanical and ridiculous hysteria. And that especially in Switzerland there is a much more relaxed relationship, as the freely accessible erotic assortment of our supermarkets prove. We still have the famous Swiss “sense of proportion”, which means that we still use common sense.

Unfortunately, although we are seriously convinced that our stylish LONESOME DRAGON sex swings do not allow us to move in any way in the porn or dirty segment, we soon learned better.

It quickly became clear to us that we had to make sure that nowhere, but really nowhere, one of these already mentioned diabolical nipples would peep out on this website, because otherwise Google would break with it – even in our liberal Switzerland. But even so, we are not allowed to place network ads on Google because we are on the “adult” index (means “not family safe”, with other words, a nipple is a threat not only to the children but for the whole family).

But we were disappointed when we weren’t even allowed to sell on eBay. Although registered as a commercial trader and successfully passed all tests and admission requirements for this “special category of items” they told us to be in, we were informed at the end of the process that we would have to have at least 300 different items in our assortment to be admitted to this “special” category. Thank you very much for the interview.

Well, typical Yanks, we were just thinking. But fortunately, there are also Swiss portals, which are cleverer. So on to Ricardo.ch. But noway – also dead. There we learnt that love swings fall under BDSM-accessories, which is unthinkable there since not even anything “stimulating” for the fun can be sold on Ricardo (well, on the other hand 18+ violent videos are fine there, but we are happy that Ricardo.ch protects us from the true evil and bad of this world – thanks).

Tutti.ch and such stuff (other Swiss online marketplaces)? No, not a chance. Also here everything that has to do with pleasure falls under the index of forbidden contents. So unfortunately not quite as “tutti” as one would think….

And mind you, we are now talking about the cheerful and colourful LONESOME DRAGON swings, which we think are absolutely nothing shady, which will be an asset in any living room and even can be used as a relaxing hanging chair.

The sex swing "Private Euphoria" is very stylish

Actually this should not be the subject of this blog at all and it’s time to stop this whining. But now I’ve already written myself into a rage, and while we’re at it: if you like our love swings, on which our whole heart blood is hanging, and you like our concept, which gets the love swings out of their dirt corner – support us by clicking on Facebook, Google+ and other social media talk about us, share us there with others and mention and link to us in forums.

This way you also give other people access to something that might make their love life even more perfect and fulfilled and (yes, kitschy, but serious) make the world a little bit better – thank you very much!

Appearance of the witches

So, that’s enough philosophizing, moaning and fooling around. The question that still occupies us is, how did it get this far? And here the long awaited witches finally come into play!

Witches going to their Sabbath, by Luis Ricardo Falero

“Walpurgis Night. Witches going to their Sabbath by Luis Ricardo Falero, 1878”

The common opinion is that simply the Christian church is responsible for the fact that lust and love are unfortunately still quite a taboo even with us. And of course that before everything was different and as always better.

But we were extremely curious about what it really was like before. Did people really dance copulating around fires in stone circles during a full moon until the Pope forbid them to do so? While researching we went to the article “The Witch Hunt – and why it is still misunderstood and important at the same time / Who persecuted the Witch-Midwives? And why? / Or How the anti-sexual morality in Europe was established” by Ottmar Lattorf.

«….Although we now consider ourselves at the height of a stage of cultural development in western industrialized societies, we doubt that in terms of people’s ability to love, their ability to feel, their sexuality and their love lives.
Rather, it seems that we are in one of the deepest valleys in which people can be thrown!
The average love life in the industrialized countries seems to be the underdeveloped remnant, a degeneration form of what was possible in old, other or ‘primitive’ cultures between the sexes of self-perception and ecstasy! And one of the main reasons for the regression was the Malleus.…

Do you know the feeling when you read something and think: “wow, that’s exactly what I’ve always thought” without being able to express it that clearly?
If you are interested in sexuality and you wonder how it came to be so “demonized” (and often still is), you will find the answers in this work and experience many exciting things that you certainly did not know yet.

Well, one can perhaps be divided about the first part, but those who want to know more about the whole topic and the background of today’s ambivalent approach to sexuality will find it extremely exciting from chapter 3 on page 11 «“About the ‘ Witches’ in the Middle Ages or about the sex-friendly ways of life of old european Tribes”.

Did you know, for example, that the decline of the Roman Empire also had something to do with a shortage of human resources, which in turn was also due to the dwindling supply and the unsatisfactory “breeding ability” of slaves? One suspects that this has something to do with contraception (the slaves learned to defend themselves against pregnancies and births) whereby herbs were involved and thus soon the foundation stone of “witchcraft” was laid……

It doesn’t all read in five minutes (and especially the English PDF has a horrible layout), but it’s more than worth it and anyone who appreciates a well-written text and is looking for really well-founded information with many sources and starting points for further thoughts and research should get a glass of wine or maybe better two, sit down comfortably and simply read it here.

Link: English PDF version (as mentioned, very exciting from chapter 3 on page 11)

Link: German PDF original version

And if you prefer to have the text read aloud, you can find a corresponding version on YouTube (unfortunately only in German):


Have fun!


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