How you’ll get to discover your G-spot in a whole new way in a sex swing, and how it will take you to seventh heaven.

It is often said that women often have difficulties with orgasm. Hm… maybe it’s more correct to say they have difficulties with the absence thereof…

That may be a bit a cliché, and perhaps also painting the whole situation in one broad stroke. But hopefully you’ll forgive us (perhaps even thank us) for not publishing a physiological treatise here, as we’re simply stating that the topic of “orgasm” is different for women than for men.

And yes, sex can certainly be a fun time without orgasm. But having those is not like it’s harmful (in fact, it has health benefits), so why not stop to think about it for a moment?

So let’s agree, for the sake of discussion, that it’s statistically and traditionally more often the man who has to hold back when it comes to orgasm (or at least, we’d consider him gentleman if so), whereas that’s not the case for women.

Remark: before we go any further, we can also point out that the benefits of a sex swing know no boundaries in terms of gender, hence the non-neutral terminology in this post. It’s just that the fireworks that go off with this set of benefits specifically applies when male and female anatomy meet in the sex swing.

Software…

For sure for women, and this is what it is about now, because men, as you know, do not have a G-spot and it is supposed to be about the G-spot – even if you don’t notice it yet – the mindset is an absolutely decisive factor.

It is more than only the technical aspects like this mystical spot that matter, as there are other “soft factors” – factors that are tough to put into words – that come into play with women’s orgasms. The images going through the mind. The mood. All these things that are tough to package into a “recipe for success.”

Fortunately, we’ll only be covering the tangible – the “hardware” – in this blog post.

Because why else could it be that men orgasm so quickly and women often need longer to do so? In addition to those “soft factors,” it really could boil down to technical design.

… and hardware

Not to worry – nature didn’t leave women with a subpar set of equipment. No, the “hotspots” are just evidently harder to get to!

What we call the clitoris, for example, is only the tip of the iceberg. It turns out that the part that brings the joy of all joys is only a very small part of the clitoris. The clitoris, up to four centimeters long, is actually a highly sophisticated system with multiple legs and spongy bodies (tissue that becomes engorged upon arousal, like the shaft of the penis). Basically a little miracle of sexual “biotech” (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoris).

The equivalent hardware in male anatomy would be something like if only the head of the penis were to peak out from the man’s body and the rest of the penis was tucked away somewhere in the lower abdomen, well sheltered from contact. We’d say those potential orgasms were dealt a bad hand.

But let’s leave the clitoris for another day and see what else there is in the woman’s arsenal of sensation. And indeed, they did get a bonus! A second hotspot, helping them go from one orgasm right into the next. Finally we get to the point (to the spot? ?) here: the G-spot!

Finding the G-spot – hint: it’s not on the forehead

Long denied and underestimated, entwined in legends and myths, even this hotspot can give you the most wonderful orgasms – but only if you give it the attention it deserves. Because like the clitoris, that sneaky little mother nature has made this another “best-kept secret” – a pleasure center in a less exposed, if not outright hidden, spot. Although it probably would cause a lot of trouble when trying to concentrate on everyday tasks if it were too easy to reach. Yeah, on second thought, having the G-spot somewhere like the belly button or the forehead would really keep you from being productive…

Anyway, the G-spot is where it is. The point is that the G-spot wants to be massaged in order to fulfil its apparent purpose: arousal, or even better, orgasm! And wants it even more with increasing excitement (women who can squirt know what I’m talking about…).

Only problem is that the typical positions for intercourse woefully neglect the G-spot, only touching it in the process. That’s certainly half the battle, but really? Come on now, there’s serious room for improvement..

But how? Well, you could invite the fingers to the party. We ourselves still find it very exciting when the fingers get involved during sex. Even better when it’s the fingers of both our hands and everything is starting to get slippery, and…whoops, sometimes I get distracted and go down the rabbit hole. Sorry. *cough*

The G-spot is the bullseye

Anyway, in order to optimally stimulate the G-spot during sex, a position must be found in which the penis doesn’t just happily meander past the G-spot, but rather hits it directly and massages it. Basically in such a way that the tip of the penis hits the G-spot directly with every push – be it gentle and romantic or hard, passionate, and powerful.

The whole idea is as simple as it is obvious: It boils down to the angle at which the penis penetrates the vagina! That’s it. The whole secret and recipe for success.

So, how do we actually accomplish this? Technically speaking, the man’s body just has to be at a 90° angle to the woman’s – and that’s it. The penis automatically becomes the magic wand for the G-spot!

However, that’s a bit tedious in a bed, and it’s tiring in the long run to hold the appropriate positions. After all, you don’t just want to maintain this stimulation for two minutes, you also want to be completely relaxed (at least at the start) and, most importantly, to enjoy it for a long time. A G-spot typically needs to be “massaged” for quite a while until it reaches climax – but it can do this repeatedly, which again is a real plus point compared to male anatomy.

This is precisely why it’s important to get into a position that both partners can enjoy and don’t have to expend much effort in and that really massages the G-spot rather than just touching it. It wants this massage to last for a while, until it’s “fully charged” and only wants one thing: come, come, come!

Here’s an illustration that shows how the penis contacts the G-spot during “normal” sex (left) and during sex in the love swing (right):

 

 

Those who have never felt this before will probably (rightly so) tear their hair out and lament loudly, “Why has nobody ever shown me this? All these years I’ve been missing out on these intense orgasms!”

Now, you can try this on a table if you don’t have a (nice and comfy) love swing yet. However, a table is quite hard, and although it’s good enough for a quickie, it doesn’t really allow you to relax. The height of the table is also seldom just right to allow the man to stand comfortably. This is very important, because being relaxed means he can last longer! That’s right – he can delay ejaculation if he’s standing and relaxed.

Furthermore, the movement of the swing, the rhythm of which will synchronize to your lovemaking, can intensify the experience. It’s also quite practical for the standing partner to be able to “guide” the swing. A table doesn’t allow for any of that. All of this really only works in a comfy love swing, such as the Private Euphoria. The models with the straps that require you to hold your posture don’t allow the level of relaxation required.

Taken to the peak

Pro tip: Put the feet up on the trapeze bar instead of the foot loops for something extra special. This angle amplifies the effect on the G-spot to the absolute extreme – this brings every G-spot to an eruption!

By the way, it’s interesting to note that there are women all over who suddenly discovered “squirting” when they started using a love swing. And it’s all thanks to the combination of relaxed posture helping you “let yourself go” and this incredibly intensive G-spot stimulation (the existence of which was denied just like the G-spot for a long time… more about this some other time).

Now the only thing left to do is to send the G-spot to seventh heaven. Thanks to your new love swing, hopefully it will be starring in a fresh new leading role in your next romantic evening…

Have fun!

(c) 2022 LONESOME DRAGON

A strange order from L.A. – and a big surprise

We actually received an order from LA two years ago with a strange shipping address*1. As it turned out when we asked questions, it was a film studio and the customer said they needed the “Private Euphoria” for the set of a new TV series.
Of course, we thought to ourselves, they’ll order a thousand things and in the end most of them won’t be used anyway. But it’s still great that they found us at all – and that they like our “Private Euphoria” love swing.
And then suddenly, complete madness: Rob who is from the USA and owns one of our “Private Euphoria” love swings, reported to us very excitedly that he had seen the “Private Euphoria” (the insider tip amongst the love swings from this small swing-maker from Switzerland) on TV! His wife had called him in great excitement- they could not believe their eyes!

…. and Yvonne and I are now over the moon and can’t quite believe it yet!

Ok, but let’s start at the beginning…..

The first viral sex tape of the world

Anyone who comes from the same era as us (Ahem!) will surely remember the huge scandal back when the internet was just starting out.

At the time, the first leaked sex video and “the world’s first viral video” was sold illegally over the Internet; it featured intimate, passionate sex scenes with, amongst others, actress Pamela Anderson (the Baywatch icon) and Motley Crew drummer Tommy Lee.

The series “Pam & Tommy” – and the “Private Euphoria”

Now Hulu has made a series about it, which appears on Disney+ (What?!!).

«Pam & Tommy» is about the turbulent relationship between Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee in the 90s, the theft of their private sex tapes and the subsequent legal battle.

It all starts when Tommy has a huge love nest complete with spa, built in his villa and all designed around a love swing (we won’t say anymore).
And already in the first episode of the series, Tommy strolls – half-naked and straight out of the bedroom – through the construction site area of his future love nest and examines the love swing, which apparently already hangs there as a central reference point for the craftsmen:

 

His only dry comment is: “I like it”.

Yvonne and I are still completely blown away and speechless, we are almost bursting with pride.

We, the little unknown love swing makers from Switzerland… Wow!

Those are the small rewards and moments of success in life that make you think “it was worth it after all”.

Do we perhaps have a secret fan amongst the creators of «Pam & Tommy»?

Or is there such a thing as karma and that we are being rewarded for the countless nights and long weekends on which we gave everything for LONESOME DRAGON?

 

Who can say? … In the meantime, we’ll just open the champagne and celebrate this small success.

 

Heartfelt greetings from Weisslingen, Switzerland

Your tireless love swing makers
Wolfgang & Yvonne

 

*1)
Eine eigene lustige Story… Um Rückläufer zu vermeiden, prüfen wir vor allem bei Überseebestellungen bei ungewöhnlichen Adressen o.ä. kurz nach. Hier fand sich unter der angegebenen Hausnummer eine Papierfirma. Nun ja, warum nicht, auch dort braucht es für zufrieden Mitarbeiter ja Liebesschaukeln. Auf deren Website wurden wir aber doch stutzig. U.a. sehr seltsame Mailadressen; der Buchhalter beispielsweise hat “whatdoesaccountingmean@dundermifflin.com”…

Und bei unter “über uns” heisst es:

«…Our company is based on service and quality since the day it was made in 1949. Started in Scranton, Penn., we only use quality redwoods for its paper. some people may say,” You’re ruining the environment!” We just smile and give them a stack of paper…»

Nun war unsere Neugier definitiv geweckt… und bei den Google Bewertungen gingen uns dann die Augen über. Von Kopiergeräten, die aus dem Fenster fliegen bis zu wilden Polizeijagden. Oder die begeisterte 5-Sterne Bewertung: “the sales men Andy tried to kiss me”.

Wir dachten schon, wir hätten die Peilung gänzlich verloren, aber des Rätsels Lösung war dann – und Amerikaner oder Serienjunkies wären bestimmt nicht drauf reingefallen – dass es die betreffende Firma “Dunder Mifflin” nur in einer Serie “The Office” gibt; was mussten wir lachen!

Und an der selben Adresse befinden sich natürlich – in der richtigen Welt – die Filmstudios. Nur hatte unser Besteller diese in der Bestellung gar nicht namentlich erwähnt, sondern nur den Namen einer Person und diese Adresse (zudem noch als abweichende Lieferadresse) angegeben – weshalb wir überhaupt erst nachgeprüft hatten.

Ja, mit LONESOME DRAGON wird es einem nie langweilig, ha ha!

 

(c) 2022 LONESOME DRAGON

Learn why it’s easier to delay ejaculation with a sex swing and what unexpected bonus is in store for the ladies.

Preamble: the sex swing is of course by no means only designed for heterosexual couples. However, the benefits discussed in this article apply in particular to classic sex swing use, with the woman lying in it and the man standing in front of it.

When it comes to delaying ejaculation, the allure of just looking at the woman lying seductively in the swing of course works against us men. You take in every detail at once of this irresistible sight, and… well, you’ll just have to grin and bear it. Try to simply savor the scenery and resist the urge to attack her like prey

You’re in the driver’s seat with a sex swing

You’ll soon realize though, gentlemen, that if you’ve correctly adjusted the height of the love swing and can stand comfortably, you can calm the mind despite your tingling hormones and what your hungry eyes are devouring.

This ability to relax is twofold. The first part of this is the fact that the pressure is off. Your partner simply lies in the swing, and you set the rhythm. You decide if and how much you want her to tense up… stroke her lightly, tickle her thighs, and veer up with your fingers to pass briefly between her breasts. Maybe you’ll stand back up to create some distance again to let her see what she’s triggered in you, giving her some eye candy to enjoy too…

The relaxed boner

The other aspect of being able to relax is that you can breathe easy. And that’s a big factor, because when you have “normal” sex, just breathing how you need to is not so easy. You usually either have to support yourself somehow or find yourself in acrobatic positions that are supposed to stimulate the G-spot.

This is exactly where the love swing serves a real purpose – you as the man can stand relaxed and be the director at the same time, so you can slow things way down and let it last as long as you want.

Or until she has come so many times that she finally lets out a sigh as her body goes loose, nearly fainting in the swing. Then you can pounce one last time and let yourself go completely…

A bonus for both

So now we’ve covered how the fellas can “go” much longer with a little practice and a sex swing. The ladies of course get plenty out of the experience with this, but in addition, they benefit from the angle of the penis. That’s because this angle intensively stimulates her G-spot, much more than compared to having sex in a bed. More about this here….…

The crafty little trick about this angle – and this one is also even a bonus for the man – is that while the angle of the penis is giving a great direct G-spot massage, stimulation of the extremely sensitive frenulum of the penis is reduced (www.thebody.com/article/comprehensive-guide-frenulum-penis). This is the other make-or-break factor in delaying ejaculation (in addition to relaxed posture).

The frenulum, also called the F-spot, is incredibly sensitive. It can be equated with a woman’s clitoris, but a key difference is that if its stimulation is reduced, ejaculation can be delayed.

Thus, what’s a bonus for the lady also becomes a bonus for the gentleman: The 90° angle of the penis in the vagina directly hits the G-spot and at the same time ensures that the vaginal walls hardly put any pressure on the frenulum – so he can hold out and make it last!

Back to the point

The synergistic effect of everything mentioned contributes to the fact that the love session can go on for a long time if the sex swing is really comfortable – it might take you to a seventh heaven you’ve never experienced before (the eighth heaven?!):

• As a “pilot” of the sex swing, the man standing in front of the swing stands there nice and relaxed and sets the rhythm in a comfortable posture, giving him better control over the timing of his ejaculation.
• The angle of the penis when using a swing, provides a direct and intensive massage of the woman’s G-spot, while at the same time reducing the stimulation of the man’s sensitive F-spot and allowing him to “hold out” longer.

 

What are your experiences? We love connecting with all of you and hope so much that the love swing enriches your love life and helps you achieve sexual fulfillment. And we love to receive feedback! Drop us a line here to share your thoughts if you feel like it.

(c) 2021 LONESOME DRAGON

That’s one hell of a love swing fail. But it can also lead to serious injuries. A fall and an impact with the back or head on a hard floor can end in a wheelchair or even worse.

We are sometimes asked why we offer a ceiling mount with four huge screws, although purely mathematically a simple “normal” 10-12 mm hook or a corresponding concrete anchor should do the job as well.

The reason for this is that we don’t know the conditions in your case, the fact that the load-bearing capacity also has a lot to do with the ceiling itself and whether the anchor was screwed in well.

Further it is physically in such a way that an “accelerated mass” gets a multiple of it’s normal weight; thus if now for example someone with a weight of 80 kg would jump around in the swing, the force acting on love swing and ceiling attachment would amount to several hundred kilograms (!).

These are all factors over which we have no control. Or what if there were a material defect? Maybe we are safety fanatics, but we just want to avoid the last bit of risk, so we also offer this massive mount (at the beginning we even thought about not offering a ceiling mounting at all because of liability reasons).

So happy swing and swing safe!

(c) 2021 LONESOME DRAGON

Now we (adventurously) bridge the gap from pagan fertility rituals and witch burnings to (non-) copulating smurfs to nipple glue – stunnning!

We at LONESOME DRAGON are neither esoteric nor shamanic (we would like to be somehow…) and with both feet firmly on the ground and in life. At least we think so…

Still. At the risk of sounding kitschy and transfigured, we believe that sexuality can be something very divine and also very spiritual.

It is not for nothing that Tantra – even if it is often misused only as a money-making gimmick – enjoys increasing popularity in modern man’s quest for meaning; feeling well that there is “more” somewhere.

We like to imagine in a sweet romantic glorification how people used to express their love for nature and life through dancing at important events such as the summer or winter solstice (yes, today’s Christmas), and how physical ecstasy and the living out of lust were a natural part of celebrating and respecting nature.

A dream with physical union as a ritual and homage to the reverence for nature, love and perhaps also gratitude for the divine spark given to us.

Make Love not War

All the more the knowledge gives us peace and confidence that the dark times are over and that in the last 50 years the relationship of modern man to sexuality has changed again. We are (hopefully) on the way to a more open approach to the most natural and beautiful things in the world.

This is not only pleasing in terms of quality of life and because otherwise we might simply miss something beautiful, no, the change goes much deeper than we may be aware of.

The libido is not only the biggest driving force for our actions, there also seems to be an obvious connection between suppressed sexuality, dissatisfaction and violence up to the most terrible terror, which cannot be dismissed.

Playmobil and Smurfs

However, our supposed happiness and relief at the current liberalisation is surprisingly clouded again when we realise how deeply rooted the taboo still seems to be in our society.

More than that, on closer reflection it really disturbs and frightens us how shifted our dealings with certain topics are. While the natural, spiritual, and loving that is attached to sexuality is even hidden from children in order not to “traumatize” them, a majority of people seem to find it completely natural that violence is not only omnipresent, but even an accepted and unfiltered part of life from an early age.

Of course we also had toy guns as children, had played innocently “Cowboys and Indians” and “killed” ourselves with relish, we had found that completely natural at that time (yes, even with the generous smiling blessing of our parents), while we were aware that playing doctor on the other hand was definitely something “evil” and so the whole topic had to be faded out at all.

How can it be – you just want to cry out desperately – that it’s possible that children can play killing and murdering each other with heavily armed Playmobil figures (that’s always so funny and cute if the little ones do that, right?), while the emergency appointment with the child psychologist and a visit from the KESB (Swiss governmental authority for the protection of children and families) would be certain, if the children would play “Love” with naked Playmobil figures or would even organise a nude smurf tantra workshop in the Schlumpfhaus (*shock*).

Devilish sexuality and natural violence

Actually unbelievable: the news of bombs of shredded people in the family-friendly morning TV news is nothing special, all this seems to be harmless for the welfare of our children, while – just imagine this madness! – a nipple (*crossed*) on breakfast television would disrupt the family and have a lasting effect on the psyche of our child.

Wonderfully summed up in the Guardian here by user VSLVSL – at a time when people beheaded by the IS were quite popular and videos of beheadings in the (social) media) were in the trend:

Source: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2015/jul/07/instagram-facebook-female-nipple-ban-use-male-nipples-instead

Make the world a safe place

Mind you: the devil lives only in FEMALE nipples (which surprisingly is no problem in the whole gender discussion). The much more harmless male nipples, on the other hand, although identical in construction, do not seem to have any traumatizing effects on children (however, we are not aware of any scientific studies and therefore do not guarantee this statement). However, we now ignore the fact that such nipples were put into the children’s mouths at hourly intervals shortly before the sudden demonization will start. Seriously, guys, doesn’t all this give anybody food for thought?

Funny in this context, by the way, a Trouvaille on Instagram, where it is well known that a female nipple that appears illegally immediately triggers DEFCON 1: https://www.instagram.com/genderless_nipples/

But well, how do we protect ourselves and our children from the nipple-faced and ubiquitous evil in the world, which lurks mean-spirited behind almost every corner and under many a blouse (as we strongly suspect)?

Finally there is a clever and family-friendly solution! Resourceful suppliers now provide desperate bloggers, instagrammers and youtubers etc. with deceptively real looking stickers of MALE nipples! This is the end of the creeping brutalization of our society and the Internet!

With it the strict prohibition of female nipples on the usual Social Media platforms – one sticks one these stickers simply on the female nipple – is enough done and the danger for the healthy development and the future of our children is finally banished. Yeah!

Well, the Americans… or the evil is always and everywhere

With a smile, one might say that we in Europe were able to successfully escape this Anglo-Saxon, puritanical and ridiculous hysteria. And that especially in Switzerland there is a much more relaxed relationship, as the freely accessible erotic assortment of our supermarkets prove. We still have the famous Swiss “sense of proportion”, which means that we still use common sense.

Unfortunately, although we are seriously convinced that our stylish LONESOME DRAGON sex swings do not allow us to move in any way in the porn or dirty segment, we soon learned better.

It quickly became clear to us that we had to make sure that nowhere, but really nowhere, one of these already mentioned diabolical nipples would peep out on this website, because otherwise Google would break with it – even in our liberal Switzerland. But even so, we are not allowed to place network ads on Google because we are on the “adult” index (means “not family safe”, with other words, a nipple is a threat not only to the children but for the whole family).

But we were disappointed when we weren’t even allowed to sell on eBay. Although registered as a commercial trader and successfully passed all tests and admission requirements for this “special category of items” they told us to be in, we were informed at the end of the process that we would have to have at least 300 different items in our assortment to be admitted to this “special” category. Thank you very much for the interview.

Well, typical Yanks, we were just thinking. But fortunately, there are also Swiss portals, which are cleverer. So on to Ricardo.ch. But noway – also dead. There we learnt that love swings fall under BDSM-accessories, which is unthinkable there since not even anything “stimulating” for the fun can be sold on Ricardo (well, on the other hand 18+ violent videos are fine there, but we are happy that Ricardo.ch protects us from the true evil and bad of this world – thanks).

Tutti.ch and such stuff (other Swiss online marketplaces)? No, not a chance. Also here everything that has to do with pleasure falls under the index of forbidden contents. So unfortunately not quite as “tutti” as one would think….

And mind you, we are now talking about the cheerful and colourful LONESOME DRAGON swings, which we think are absolutely nothing shady, which will be an asset in any living room and even can be used as a relaxing hanging chair.

Actually this should not be the subject of this blog at all and it’s time to stop this whining. But now I’ve already written myself into a rage, and while we’re at it: if you like our love swings, on which our whole heart blood is hanging, and you like our concept, which gets the love swings out of their dirt corner – support us by clicking on Facebook, Google+ and other social media talk about us, share us there with others and mention and link to us in forums.

This way you also give other people access to something that might make their love life even more perfect and fulfilled and (yes, kitschy, but serious) make the world a little bit better – thank you very much!

Appearance of the witches

So, that’s enough philosophizing, moaning and fooling around. The question that still occupies us is, how did it get this far? And here the long awaited witches finally come into play!

The common opinion is that simply the Christian church is responsible for the fact that lust and love are unfortunately still quite a taboo even with us. And of course that before everything was different and as always better.

But we were extremely curious about what it really was like before. Did people really dance copulating around fires in stone circles during a full moon until the Pope forbid them to do so? While researching we went to the article “The Witch Hunt – and why it is still misunderstood and important at the same time / Who persecuted the Witch-Midwives? And why? / Or How the anti-sexual morality in Europe was established” by Ottmar Lattorf.

«….Although we now consider ourselves at the height of a stage of cultural development in western industrialized societies, we doubt that in terms of people’s ability to love, their ability to feel, their sexuality and their love lives.
Rather, it seems that we are in one of the deepest valleys in which people can be thrown!
The average love life in the industrialized countries seems to be the underdeveloped remnant, a degeneration form of what was possible in old, other or ‘primitive’ cultures between the sexes of self-perception and ecstasy! And one of the main reasons for the regression was the Malleus.…»

Do you know the feeling when you read something and think: “wow, that’s exactly what I’ve always thought” without being able to express it that clearly?
If you are interested in sexuality and you wonder how it came to be so “demonized” (and often still is), you will find the answers in this work and experience many exciting things that you certainly did not know yet.

Well, one can perhaps be divided about the first part, but those who want to know more about the whole topic and the background of today’s ambivalent approach to sexuality will find it extremely exciting from chapter 3 on page 11 «“About the ‘ Witches’ in the Middle Ages or about the sex-friendly ways of life of old european Tribes”.

Did you know, for example, that the decline of the Roman Empire also had something to do with a shortage of human resources, which in turn was also due to the dwindling supply and the unsatisfactory “breeding ability” of slaves? One suspects that this has something to do with contraception (the slaves learned to defend themselves against pregnancies and births) whereby herbs were involved and thus soon the foundation stone of “witchcraft” was laid……

It doesn’t all read in five minutes (and especially the English PDF has a horrible layout), but it’s more than worth it and anyone who appreciates a well-written text and is looking for really well-founded information with many sources and starting points for further thoughts and research should get a glass of wine or maybe better two, sit down comfortably and simply read it here.

Link: English PDF version (as mentioned, very exciting from chapter 3 on page 11)

Link: German PDF original version

And if you prefer to have the text read aloud, you can find a corresponding version on YouTube (unfortunately only in German):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkUKDwz2GSU

 

Have fun!

(c) 2019 LONESOME DRAGON

**** Sorry guys, we did not yet find the time to translate also this post ****

Das brave Heidiland als Hochburg der sexuellen Revolution und Hort der körperlichen Freuden? Wir möchten wissen, was sich hinter verschlossenen Türen (oder gar in freier Natur) in dem kleinen gallischen Dorf Europas abspielen soll!

 

Als wir über die Schlagzeile «darum haben die Schweizer so grossartigen Sex!» stolperten, dachten wir sofort: «Huch! Jetzt ist die Presse auf unsere LONESOME DRAGON Liebesschaukeln aufmerksam geworden!» und hatte bereits händeringend den bevorstehenden Zusammenbruch unserer Logistik befürchtet.

Gott sei Dank ist dem aber nicht so, es geht vielmehr um ein Buch, welches das «intime, unverfrorene Portrait eines ernsthaften und gleichzeitig surrealen Landes» zeichnet.

Nun, wenn es also gar nichts mit der «Private Euphoria» zu tun haben soll, erstaunt das schon etwas; so gelten die Schweizer doch eher als sachlich, nüchtern und nicht gerade triebgesteuert (nein, langweilig habe ich jetzt nicht gesagt…).

So war offenbar auch der in der Schweiz lebende amerikanische Autor des Buchs «Ashley Curtis» verblüfft über den Umgang der Schweizer mit Sex (leider kennen wir die Details nicht, gehen jedoch davon aus, dass Ashley Spass hatte) und wollte mehr darüber wissen.

Die Resultate seiner ernsthaften Nachforschungen präsentiert Ashley nun in seinem Buch als denkwürdige und skurrile Fakten, welche uns erstaunen und erheitern. Einige davon möchten wir euch nicht vorenthalten.

Zentrum des mittelalterlichen Wellness der freizügigen Art im Aargau

Während das Städtchen Baden AG heutzutage vielleicht vor allem als Hochburg der Industrie (BBC, ABB) wahrgenommen wird, muss es im Mittelalter wahrlich seinem Namen alle Ehre gemacht haben. Gemäss den Aufzeichnungen des Kardinalstaatssekretärs Poggio Bracciolini (14 Kindern mit seiner Geliebten sowie weitere 6 mit seiner Ehefrau) war der Besuch des dortigen Thermalbades Pflicht für «Alle, die verliebt sind, alle, die auf Freiersfüssen gehen, alle, für die das Leben im Genuss sich gründet, eilen hierher um zu geniessen, was sie sich erwünschen.»

Der Grund dafür seien die zahllosen und sehr schöne Frauen ohne Mann dort, denn «es gebe wohl nirgends auf der Welt ein Bad, das «für die Fruchtbarkeit der Frauen förderlicher wäre».

Und er gesteht uns noch, dass in Baden selbst bei Äbten, Mönchen, Ordensbrüdern und Priestern «sämtliche religiösen Skrupel verfliegen» würden…

Nächtlicher Einstieg in jungfräuliche (…?) Kammern

Eine hochinteressanter Brauch war der Kiltgang (Kilt geht auf das germanische kwelda- zurück, das die Zeit des Sonnenuntergangs bezeichnete).

Unter Kiltgang verstand man das heimliche (aber gesellschaftlich durchaus akzeptierte) Stelldichein und den nächtlichen Besuch junger Männer, welche nachts einzeln oder in Gruppen (wie bitte…?) heiratsfähige Mädchen zuhause besuchten, wobei der Einlass in deren Kammern bevorzugt über Fenster erfolgte.

Obwohl von der reformierten Kirche bekämpft, erfreute sich der Kiltgang, bei dem es gelegentlich auch zum Geschlechtsverkehr kam, großer Beliebtheit. Voreheliche Schwangerschaften gaben zudem im bäuerlichen Umfeld auch die kaum überschätzbare Gewissheit, dass die so Besuchte Kinder bekommen konnte, und wurden deshalb relativ nachsichtig behandelt.

Der Maler, Lithograf und Radierer Franz Niklaus König (1765–1835) schrieb 1814 über den Kiltgang:

«…Der Kiltgang ist eine eingewurzelte und unvertilgbare Sitte im Canton Bern. Die Jünglinge besuchen nämlich die Mädchen Nachts, bald einzeln, bald in Gesellschaft. Der Weg geht durchs Fenster; vorher aber werden Zärtlichkeitsreden gehalten, die meist drollig genug sind; und auf diese folgt eine Art Capitulation. Endlich auf dem Gade (obere Stube) angelangt, werden sie von den Mädchen mit Kirschwasser – erfrischt. Alles weitere geht dann (wie man sagt) in der grössten Zucht und Ehrbarkeit zu! Ich mag das gerne glauben, obschon mir’s nicht in den Kopf will: wie ein rüstiger Aelpler zum platonisieren kommen soll? und ob er blos dafür einen rauhen Bergweg von drey bis vier Stunden, oft bey Regen und Wind, machen würde, wie es manchmal der Fall ist. Zu dem gibt es oft Symptome, die nicht weniger als platonisch aussehen und zum Glücke meistens nach der Kirche….»

Der Kiltgang ist im Grunde keine schweizerische Besonderheit; er findet sich über weite Teile Mittel- und Nordeuropas. Allerdings entwickelte er im voralpinen und alpinen Raum eine besondere Formenvielfalt, die von Reiseschriftstellern und Kleinmeistern des 18. und 19. Jh. gerne als folkloristische Kuriosität dargestellt wurde. Der Kiltgang war unter zahlreichen Bezeichnungen bekannt, darunter z’Stubeti go und z’Liecht go, in Graubünden Hengert, im Maggia-, Lavizzara- und Verzascatal lokal abweichende Formen von naa ai carèi (Fensterln) und in der Waadt héberger.

 

Qeer durchs Glarus

Eine Speerspitze der Gay Pride hat sich offenbar bereits hier im braven Heidiland entwickelt, während man andernorts im Mittelalter deswegen leicht unliebsame Bekanntschaft mit dem Scheiterhaufen machte.

Sein Lebenswerk, die Schrift «Eros – Die Männerliebe Der Griechen» machte den Glarner Hutmacher Heinrich Hössli (1784 – 1864) zum Ur-Vater der Schwulenbewegung. Darin legitimierte er die gleichgeschlechtliche Liebe mit Herleitungen und Beispielen aus der Geschichte und postulierte darin auch, dass Freiheit für alle zu gelten habe, auch wenn sie «anders» lieben: «Der Lasterhafteste kann die Frauen und der Tugendhafteste die Männer lieben».

Wenig erstaunlich; obwohl das Glarus damals als sehr freiheitlich galt, wurde dass 700-seitige und seit der Antike erste Werk, das sich philosophisch, politisch, kulturell und literarisch mit der Homosexualität befasste, 1836 sofort nach seinem Erscheinen vom Sittengericht oder Kirchenrat – damals auch «Stillstand» genannt – verboten.

Staatsbesuch in Bern

Sehr ambivalent mag auch das Verhältnis zur käuflichen Liebe im historischen Rückblick und Vergleich anmuten. Sicherlich mag auch heute ein Staatsbesuch mit gewissen Annehmlichkeiten verbunden sein, doch scheint man – wie ja auch bei den Badehäusern – erstaunlicherweise im Umgang damit wieder prüder zu werden und die pikanten Details dem Freiraum der Fantasie des Steuerzahlers zu überlassen (na gut, Trumps und Berlusconis seien von dieser Aussage ausgeklammert).

Anders beim Besuch des Kaisers Sigismund 1414 in Bern; hier erliess der Rat der Stadt einen Befehl an die Frauenhäuser der Stadt, ihre Insassinnen mögen alle Herrn freundlich und unentgeltlich empfangen. Und die Stadt bezahlte anstatt des Kaisers die Dirnen aus eignen Geldern, wofür sich der Kaiser dann in einem Schreiben öffentlich und offiziell auch ganz freundlich bedankte (Rudek, «Geschichte der öffentlichen Sittlichkeit in Deutschland»).

Anmerkung: in Zürich und Bern mussten Prostituierte im Mittelalter ein rotes «Käppeli» als Ausdruck ihrer Standeszugehörigkeit tragen. Unklar ist uns derweil, wie dies Eingang in Kindergeschichten finden konnte, Die Frage jedoch des Wolfs “Was trägst du unter der Schürze?” scheint jedoch seiner Gesinnung Beweis genug zu sein und hätte der Beginn einer herzergreifenden, interspeziären, leidenschaftlichen Romanze werden können, obwohl dann die ganze Geschichte zugegebenermassen leider komplett entgleist

Fazit

Wir kommen nicht umhin festzustellen, dass wir uns wieder verlieren, die Fantasie beflügelt und gut unterhalten, aber der Frage, warum die Schweizer so grossartigen Sex haben, nicht wirklich wesentlich näher gekommen sind (obwohl wir immer noch überzeugt sind, dass dies bestimmt kein Gerücht sei).

Einzig können wir mit Sicherheit sagen, dass mit einer wirklich bequemen Liebesschaukel, wie der «Private Euphoria» aus normalem Sex ein solcherart «grossartiger Sex» werden sollte. Das «Goodie» dabei: die Nationalität spielt dabei nur eine untergeordnete Rolle!

Aber natürlich bleibt dabei noch zu erwähnen, dass die «Private Euphoria» eben aus der Schweiz kommt und die weltweit einzige ihrer Art ist, was mindestens ein sehr begründeter Ansatz zur Beantwortung der Frage, warum Schweizer grossartigen Sex haben ist.

 

Wer trotzdem noch auf der Suche nach weiterführender demografischer Erkenntnis oder auch einer Legitimation für libidobasierten helvetischen Nationalstolz ist, dem sei dies hier empfohlen:

Schweizer Illustrierte
Im Bett: Schweizer sind die Besten
https://www.schweizer-illustrierte.ch/gesellschaft/thema/im-bett-schweizer-sind-die-besten

Ex-Dschungelkönigin Melanie Müller
«Schweizer sind bessere Liebhaber!»
https://www.nau.ch/people/aus-der-schweiz/schweizer-sind-bessere-liebhaber-65261770

BLICK: Studie «Sex in der Schweiz»
die grösste Schweizer Sexstudie aller Zeiten im Auftrag des Bundesamts für Gesundheit (BAG)
https://www.blick.ch/storytelling/2016/sexstudie/

 

(c) 2018 LONESOME DRAGON